Going pee on a plane before take off. Door clearly has occupied sign. Person bangs on door anyway. Me yelling GO AWAY! BAITIN! Means flight gets delayed and I meet tsa. YouTubing that line from Idiocracy got me out of trouble but they said it wasn’t funny.

I held back from saying no one has ever masturbated a plane into a building. Then I started wondering about what terrorists actually do so it ended up being like a Scrubs inner monologue moment.

Dolphins have strong, flexible penises capable of grabbing you. That’s right. Dolphin penises, which can reach lengths of 14 inches, are capable of grabbing you by the arm and pulling you underwater. In fact, some dolphins are known to drag humans down to underwater rape caves where they can have some privacy. Scuba divers have reported finding bodies in these caves that show evidence of penetration and dolphin bite marks. So the next time you feel someone grab your arm or leg underwater, it might not be your friend pretending to be Jaws. It could just be a giant dolphin penis probing you for possible holes. - See more at: http://askmenanswers.com/what-should-you-do-if-you-get-raped-by-a-dolphin/#sthash.20zUtqHt.dpuf

I love the internet. I love the internet. I love the internet. I love the internet. I love the internet. I love the internet. I love the internet. I love the internet. I love the internet. I love the internet.

I love the internet.

Adam Devine’s House Party - Lady Troopers

(出典: youtube.com)

I just updated today.  Get a full charge at 7-11!

While Apple is out bragging about keeping your local data secure from releasing the data to the feds I wanted to remind everyone this is an old Android feature.  Apple:Unlike our competitors, Apple cannot bypass your passcode and therefore cannot access this data.

Look at those asshole clouds just floating around weighing millions of pounds while I’m stuck here with a sore butt from sitting all day

generalelectric:

Every machine has its own acoustic signature - a precise frequency that indicates whether that machine is operating at peak performance. GE engineers monitor and record these sounds to perform real-time diagnostics on airplane engines, locomotives, power turbines, and medical equipment. Musician Matthew Dear and GE Acoustics Engineer Andrew Gorton teamed up to collect and compose thousands of audio emissions from the world’s most powerful machines. The result is an original track of music titled “Drop Science.” Download the full track on our SoundCloud.

I’m not sure what movie I’m watching but I really want them to remake it with the races reversed. A movie with a white dad angry about his white daughter bringing home a black guy. Because that would be OK to release without an incident.

Maybe I’m missing out. Maybe I don’t pay enough attention to the right things in life. Maybe I’m simply not observant but dang it, I don’t really know the back of my hand that well.

I went to a gas station to grab some stuff. It’s not in the best area, on the pumps there’s a sign that says keep your valuables with you, they are not responsible for stolen items.

There is one cashier, a black man serving customers. I’m in line with a few behind me. When I get to the on deck area an Indian man opens check out window two. Slides the bullet proof window open and everything. I buy my stuff then he closes up the window and goes back to people watching the 4 others in line.

America!

When a 2 year old goes a whole day without throwing up it’s a big deal.  I’m 33.  It’s been a few weeks since last threw up.  No one cares.

Dang.  I wish I had shoes with laces now.  Looks like I’ll be spending some time on Zappos soon.